I’ve been giving a great deal of thought to having a way to remember Alzheimer’s victims, especially since this is the 100th year since the disease was discovered. I was thinking about a quilt, with a block contributed for each person who died from the disease.
However, besides the fact that not everyone can sew, memory loss is such a big part of Alzheimer’s. I kept coming back to the idea of a Memory Album - a page for each person. I’ll have to figure out a way to display the album online.
Perhaps using a photo hosting service like Flickr? Another way to display the pages would be to set up a specific category for them and post them to the site, but that would involve a lot of file handling and the potential for viruses, so I think a photo hosting service would still work best to handle the actual photos or scans of the pages.
If anyone is interested in joining me on this project, please comment below and let me know. I’ll be looking around for the best way to display the album and when I find a solution, I’ll post an update.
We are asking family and friends to donate to Alzheimer’s Research or to the Salvation Army in William’s name instead of sending more flowers, since we don’t want the room to be overcrowded. Our sincere thanks to all of those who have already sent so many wonderful arrangements.
The Alzheimer’s Association has an online form for donations as memorials. Please support this association in its effort to find effective treatment and prevention for Alzheimer’s Disease. William asked that people donate to the association when his wife passed away, so I know he’d appreciate your continued support.
I have no scientific study to cite on this; just my own observations. It seems that having routine tasks that must be done keeps someone who is developing Alzheimer’s or dementia sharper and more capable longer than people who don’t have any responsibilities.
For example, taking care of an ill relative. In one situation I know of, it came as a big shock, because this man seemed fairly alert right up until the week his wife, who had Alzheimer’s, died. The change was drastic. He went from being able to care for her, doing errands and even taking care of a bit of yardwork to wanting people to run red lights because he worried the ice cream might melt and being unable to figure out how to work the microwave. It was as if he knew he could give in to his illness since he had noone depending on him anymore.
Has anyone else noticed responsibilities like caring for another person or a pet seems to keep people suffering from these diseases from declining as rapidly?
Dream man, come to me.
Tell me what I already know,
so that I remember it tomorrow.
Tell me what I haven’t forgotten
in the deep pits that hide
in the dark forests of my memory.
Somewhere in the forests,
I still am.
The I that made treasures of
each special moment
still exists.
first baby steps
first words
first smiles
my daughter’s face
as she looked
into her new husband’s eyes.
I am afraid,
dropping into the pits
of my devoured memory,
not knowing
whether tomorrow
I will know anyone around me.
Please, dream man, help me.
I need to remember
what I already know.
-For Ginny
Using a dream catcher can be very helpful to keep the good dreams and let the evil go. Native Americans have used them for ages.
How do you explain Alzheimer’s to a child? It can definitely be a challenge. We were concerned how my niece would react when we all had Thanksgiving dinner together.
“What’s wrong with her?” she asked. As we tried to find the words to explain this terrible disease, my niece stared intently into the elderly woman’s eyes. Then, she turned her head and looked at us, eyes wide. “She looks old, but she’s a baby inside,” she announced and then began chatting away as if she was talking to her younger brother, describing what she’d done in school that day, a bird she saw in the window, etc.
However, not all children are so matter of fact about Alzheimer’s. If you’d like a way to prepare your child to meet an Alzheimer’s patient, feel free to read Al’s Hammer with him or her.
There is one thing that a disease like Alzheimer’s or dementia does that many other illnesses don’t do - it gives you time to say goodbye. With more sudden illnesses, like heart attacks and strokes, people don’t have the chance to come to terms with what is happening and let go gradually.
Many times, by the time that last day does come, people with a relative suffering from Alzheimer’s or dementia will have healed family rifts. They take time to collect stories of the family’s past because they know those memories could be lost tomorrow. They say goodbye a thousand times in different ways. Still, we always think that the final day is sometime in the future and the day a loved one’s body catches up to his or her mind is a shock.
So, for the last time - Goodbye, William.
If you love to have a big family Thanksgiving and have a family member with Alzheimer’s, you can face some big challenges. Do you have the celebration in your home and have strangers invade your loved one’s space? Do you travel to a less familiar location and add confusion about his or her surroundings to the mix? Suddenly, the holiday celebration is something you don’t want to even think about. However, although you may not sail through the holiday without difficulties, there are a few things you can do to make sure the celebration is not completely overwhelming.
* If you are traveling to someone else’s home, you may want to arrange to arrive early and leave before all of the guests arrive or arrive late and stay only a short time. The combination of unfamiliar faces and places can really be a lot for an Alzheimer’s patient to handle.
* If you do opt to stay, make sure you there will be a spot that is not in the middle of everything where your loved one can relax. (A chair tucked into an alcove of the room where all the guests are sitting provides a bit of security without being too isolating.) Bring along something familiar and comforting, such as a music cd you play frequently.
* If you are having the celebration in your own home, you may want to serve dinner to your loved one before the guests arrive. This way, if he or she becomes too upset to sit through the meal with everyone else, you can suggest a short rest without worrying about whether the Alzheimer’s patient is hungry.
* While many Alzheimer’s patients love children, a group of them can be overwhelming. Prepare some quiet activities for the kids, like having an adult read some stories related to the holiday and Thanksgiving themed crafts. (Oriental Trading Company has some great crafts this year.)
* Another tip for an Alzheimer’s patient who is not in the advanced stages of the disease: Before the holiday, prepare an album with photos and names of all of the guests in it. Being able to refer to the photos and seeing who is approaching can help make your loved one a bit less worried about having his or her memory fail to provide the information.
Does anyone else have some tips on how they handle the Thanksgiving holiday?
Photo Books
A lot of caregivers are using photo books to help the Alzheimer’s or dementia patient they are working with recall important people or events. At the very least, it can be a way for the patient to identify visitors. They can sneak a look at the book and be able to see that the woman walking in the door is “Your daughter Emily” and can greet her appropriately.
It’s bad enough that your parent with dementia doesn’t recognize you, but you can tell yourself its not just you. He doesn’t know anyone else, either.
Then, someone walks in the door your parent has only known a few months and he greets this friend by name. Even worse, he is polite and sociable, when fifteen minutes ago, he flew into a rage because he was sure you’d stolen something he misplaced.
Take a deep breath. Ok, it doesn’t really help…How can dementia make your mind forget your child and allow you to remember a virtual stranger’s name?
I think one of the hardest things for children of people with Alzheimer’s or dementia face is the way Mom or Dad suddenly is so nasty and mean. One Mom who knew she was in the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s sat her daughter down and did something I thought was wonderful. She told her that when she acted nasty or said horrible things, she wanted her daughter to say, “That’s the disease talking. Mom loves me.”
