Wednesday, December 3, 12-1pm EST
Get answers from Elder Law Attorney Vincent J. Russo on Elder Law, Special Needs and Estate Planning issues, and ask Social Worker Marion Somers PhD about topics ranging from home safety to senior-friendly technology.

Thursday, December 4, 12-1pm EST
Chat with a Rite Aid pharmacist about medications, therapies and interactions, and direct your questions on general caregiving to "Caring Today" editor Susan Strecker Richard.

You’ll need to complete your free registration as a member of Giving Care before joining the chats. I just did the sign up to check things out and it was quick and painless!

Yes, they’re really pleased you are keeping your loved one home and providing a good bit of the care, right up to the second they realize it will affect them. A single person caring for a parent often has to choose between having a serious relationship and the parent. Vacations, sleep overs and leisurely mornings over coffee and pastries are all things it is difficult to commit to. Unfortunately, they are all things that a person you are dating seriously usually expects.

For many people, starting a relationship while you are caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s is almost impossible. Someone who could be Mr. or Mrs. Right is often scared off by the fact that you are pretty tied down. After all, it isn’t like he or she has been dating you for a year and is madly in love, so making a choice to see someone without baggage instead is pretty easy at this point. So, how do you manage to have a relationship while you’re an Alzheimer’s patient caregiver?

I don’t have an answer for everyone, because every situation is different. However, I do know that it is pretty unlikely that you’ll find someone special sitting in the living room! You’ll need to find a way to get out at least a few hours a week, which should be something everyone who is a caregiver should do anyway, since it helps relieve stress and helps you recharge your caregiver batteries.

If you haven’t been socializing at all, maybe you should start by finding a “children of parents with Alzheimer’s support group” to go to. Get out, talk to people and blow off some steam. At the very least, you may meet some friends that truly understand what you are going through, because they’re all struggling with the same issues.

Has someone offered to take over mom or dad’s care for a week so you have time to get away? You may want to take a caregivers cruise.

If you’d rather just get away from the stress and worry for a bit, attend church or join a local group that has similar interests, such as a bird watchers group or a knitting circle. Again, you may not meet your soul mate, but meeting new people is a good first step.

Have you tried dating while caring for an Alzheimer’s victim? I’d love to hear your tips for dealing with this tough issue.

People talk a lot about the cost of medical care, caregivers, day cares and equipment, but there is another very real cost – the careers of family members. I’ve talked before about how nice it is to freelance or have a flexible job, but if you are a lawyer, a vice president of a major corporation, or a sales clerk at the local big box store, you don’t have the same leeway I have. I wonder how many people have been passed over for promotions, have missed out on important projects, or have even lost jobs (Yeah, FMLA sounds super, but it doesn’t help everyone.) because of dealing with constant Alzheimer’s related problems during work hours?

Some people make the decision to put careers first and simply refuse to deal with problems during work hours. They even opt to leave a family member home alone, locked in the house, when the caregiver doesn’t show up. Perhaps they will be lucky and come home to a presentable home and a safe family member, but there is a very real possibility that the house will be ablaze and the Alzheimer’s victim will be trapped inside instead. To me, and to most people who live with an Alzheimer’s patient, this isn’t a solution.

I’d start out by asking my boss for a meeting. If he or she is a decent human being, you may be able to set up some solutions in advance, such as having a few part time or temp workers with very flexible schedules ready to fill in for you if there is an emergency. Making up missed hours by staying later or working on a Saturday may also work, as long as you aren’t in retail. Perhaps your boss will even be willing to let you work from home on days when the caregiver doesn’t make it in or on days when your family member needs to visit a doctor.

Do you have a story about the hidden cost of Alzheimer’s? I’d really like to know how much of a problem it is.

So, for the last hour or so, I’ve been crying my eyes out reading the emails from needy people in my dinky local area who don’t have insurance and don’t have the funds to buy one for family members with missing limbs and crippling conditions. I wish I had more than one to give.

If you have an electric scooter or wheelchair in good condition that is gathering dust because you think no one will want it, will you consider finding it a new home? You’d be amazed at the response on your local Freecycle. (Freecycle is through Yahoo groups and is broken up into local regions to make it easy to give away and get useful things that would have ended up being unused or thrown away.)

You have to purchase 5 products before you send in your receipts and their cash back form. The qualifying products aren’t all specialized things like Depends, either. I saw Cottenelle Fresh Wipes and some baby diapers on the list.

I’m thinking that it would be nice to save up the money back for a special treat for the caregiver – a manicure, an espresso, a day at the movies, or what have you.

Caring for a person with Alzheimer’s is very stressful and we need to remember to take care of ourselves. This man was burned out and exhausted and needed more than a few minutes’ break, but he relies on friends and family for help and they aren’t really available. There must be a solution for people who don’t have the money to pay for qualified help. I’ve mentioned before that finding someone to barter care with is one solution. They watch the person with Alzheimer’s for a few hours and you clean their gutters and run to the store. However, that isn’t really enough of a break. There’s still no down time, no way to really relax.

If you have a great solution, I’d love to hear it.

identification bracelet, such as the one offered through MedicAlert + Alzheimer’s Association Safe Return.
comfortable, easy-to-remove clothing
audiotapes of favorite music or books
videos of favorite movies, animals, sports team or travel destination
subscriptions to magazines that reflect hobbies, such as a gardening or cars
warm blankets or quilts
photo albums