I had a request to talk about another hidden cost of Alzheimer’s - relationships. If you have opted to take on the care for a relative with Alzheimer’s at home, you probably hear a lot of positive comments.
“Good for you.”
“I’m so glad to hear that people still care about their parents.”
“I wish more people would do that.”

Yes, they’re really pleased you are keeping your loved one home and providing a good bit of the care, right up to the second they realize it will affect them. A single person caring for a parent often has to choose between having a serious relationship and the parent. Vacations, sleep overs and leisurely mornings over coffee and pastries are all things it is difficult to commit to. Unfortunately, they are all things that a person you are dating seriously usually expects.

For many people, starting a relationship while you are caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s is almost impossible. Someone who could be Mr. or Mrs. Right is often scared off by the fact that you are pretty tied down. After all, it isn’t like he or she has been dating you for a year and is madly in love, so making a choice to see someone without baggage instead is pretty easy at this point. So, how do you manage to have a relationship while you’re an Alzheimer’s patient caregiver?

I don’t have an answer for everyone, because every situation is different. However, I do know that it is pretty unlikely that you’ll find someone special sitting in the living room! You’ll need to find a way to get out at least a few hours a week, which should be something everyone who is a caregiver should do anyway, since it helps relieve stress and helps you recharge your caregiver batteries.

If you haven’t been socializing at all, maybe you should start by finding a “children of parents with Alzheimer’s support group” to go to. Get out, talk to people and blow off some steam. At the very least, you may meet some friends that truly understand what you are going through, because they’re all struggling with the same issues.

Has someone offered to take over mom or dad’s care for a week so you have time to get away? You may want to take a caregivers cruise.

If you’d rather just get away from the stress and worry for a bit, attend church or join a local group that has similar interests, such as a bird watchers group or a knitting circle. Again, you may not meet your soul mate, but meeting new people is a good first step.

Have you tried dating while caring for an Alzheimer’s victim? I’d love to hear your tips for dealing with this tough issue.

Posted by on 08.23.2008 • Caregiver Support