One of the most frustrating things to deal with is a doctor that doesn’t specialize in geriatric issues. You take your dad into the office to see the same doctor he has been seeing for years and he puts on the show of a lifetime. He’s charming, flirts with the nurse, tells the doctor a joke. You list the problems you’ve been having:
- Dad isn’t sleeping.
- He keeps saying he has a house just like the one we’re in and he wants to go home.
- He told me some guy came in with groceries and left his shoes by the door. That guy was me, five minutes before.
- He gets really angry and screams about such small things.
- And on and on.
The doctor looks at you and you can almost see him thinking, “This poor old man’s child is trying to get me to help set him up as senile so the kids can get his inheritance. Look at the way he’s acting. There’s no way he has dementia.”
Find a good doctor who specializes in geriatric care. We were lucky enough to finally find a wonderful one after making several frustrating trips to the family doctor. These doctors know that someone suffering from the first stages of dementia or Alzheimer’s can have completely lucid moments and can seem absolutely normal one moment and go out of control the next.
You’re frustrated and angry that your parent, spouse, or friend has been replaced by a bewildered child who doesn’t remember who you are. This has been one of the worst days yet and you can’t even vent to the person who used to listen to all your problems because the disease he or she is battling is the reason for your tough day. Well, actually, you can.
Grab a pen and a few sheets of paper and write a letter to your loved one. Pour out your feelings, vent your frustration, talk about how unfair it is. When you’re done, you may just feel like you’ve been able to unload just as you used to. Some people keep their letters and some destroy them when they’re done. Either way, writing to the person your loved one used to be can really be a great way to let off steam and de-stress.
Researchers have found that Herpes may actually be a cause of Alzheimers.
The latest work, announced today, shows a link between a gene and herpes simplex 1, or HSV. The form of the ApoE gene called ApoE-4 is the leading known risk factor for Alzheimer’s. And HSV is the form of herpes that causes cold sores around the mouth. More than 80 percent of Americans are infected with HSV.
While the thought of 80% of our population being in danger of developing Alzheimer’s is terrifying, knowing that researchers may have found the cause of the disease is exciting news.
Have you noticed how many times a child who gives up everything to take care of a parent with Alzheimer’s or dementia is treated with suspicion and anger, while other relatives are welcomed with open arms, even if all they want is access to this month’s Social Security check? I’ve heard so many stories that go something like this:
Mom barged into my room at 3 a.m. screaming that I took her money and her wedding ring and yelled at me to get out of the house. I finally found her money hidden in the sock drawer and picked her wedding ring up off the floor, but she kept insisting I was a thief. The next morning, my sister stopped by to “give me a break” by taking Mom shopping, but I heard her ask Mom if she brought her wallet as they were getting into the car. Sure enough, Mom came back with only a few dollars in her purse and nothing to show for the missing money. She couldn’t stop talking about how nice my sister was, although she kept forgetting who she was and called her “that sweet young girl.”
How frustrating for these caregivers to have to deal with the day in and day out frustrations of Alzheimer’s, only to see the same person who treats them with distrust and screams horrible things at them turn around and shower affection on a family member who borders on criminal.
Yes, the caregiver can take measures to be sure Mom or Dad isn’t continually victimized by other relatives, but most of those measures involve some very emotionally overwhelming activities, like having a beloved parent declared incompetent or trying to get the police involved in the situation.
